Dealing with + Discussing Finances as a Newlywed Couple
Picturing your married life before the wedding day, you expect it’s just a whole lot of roses and bliss. And married life truly is that! But it doesn’t come without some new responsibilities and discussions that need to happen in order for your relationship to progress and grow.
Money is one of the hardest things to talk about and deal with on a personal level. Add another party into the mix, and that’s a whole extra person with their own financial dreams and spending habits to account for. I firmly believe that frequent money discussions should take place in your relationship with your new spouse (and probably before you even get married!). Here are a few “rules-of-thumb” I’d recommend to all my brides to ease the transition and make sure the money-talk goes smoothly:
Rule #1: Don’t share details of your finances with other couples
It can be super tempting as a newlywed couple to look to your friends and coworkers for feedback and insight as to how you should be handling your money. After all, this whole thing is totally new to you, and that’s where you’d take any other discussion on which you were seeking validation and input. But when it comes to money, you have to be sensitive to others’ situations.
For example, complaining about struggling to pay your bills might drive a wedge between you and a friend who has a cushy job, making her feel uncomfortable about your relationship when she’s better off financially than you. Or, your discussion with your coworker about your upcoming holiday travel plans might cause a lot of hurt as she and her husband are throwing every spare penny they can towards their IVF savings fund, and oh how she’d love a trip to Hawaii, too, if only she could afford it.
In most cases, you’ll regret saying anything at all versus not sharing details. It’s better to just not share, and find another topic of discussion.
Rule #2: Respect each other as equal parties
Depending on your situation and season of life, and as your time together continues, your roles as financial providers to your own little family unit may change. Maybe you’re both in school without jobs, or both working part-time jobs after school, or maybe you’re both working full-time, or maybe one of you is bringing home the majority of the income while the other primarily spends their time raising the kids.
Financial contributions shouldn’t be tallied, and your total financial status should not be viewed as “owned” by either party. It’s a joint effort, and just because you’re not the one bringing home a paycheck doesn’t mean you have less of a say in how the money is saved or spent. Respect each other’s individual financial goals and plans as a way to love and support each other in your marriage.
Rule #3: Combine your money and plan for the future together
I personally believe that the best start to a marriage includes combining bank accounts and all assets. Leaving your money separate leads to unaccountability and the potential for inadvertent money negligence, which can be a really big deal to most people.
Have a discussion at the start of your marriage or before the wedding day about your plan for your finances. Schedule appointments to switch your money over to a shared account you both have access to, and make sure all new bills (like utilities for your new place and any other new shared expenses) come out of this new account. Both of you should check the account frequently.
Another thing I recommend doing is setting up a budget that you both have access to, like on Google Sheets. There are lots of different successful budgeting systems and software, but the most important thing is that both of you are involved and have a say in how you spend your money. Make sure to include a spot in your budget where you set aside some money for the future, like saving for a home or a trip. Always make it a habit to save some portion of your income.
I could discuss finances and good planning all day long! My husband and I have strengthened our relationship through our shared commitment to our financial goals and to each other. I wish you the best of luck as you prepare for this new stage of life and reach all your money goals together!