On your wedding day, when you’re gazing into the starry eyes of your fiance and repeating your vows, you have a picture of the life you will create together. Most people imagine there will be more of the “for better” than the “for worse”. It’s hard to imagine going through trials together when life seems so beautiful.

We all know that hard times come to everyone, there is a way to let your struggles bring you closer as a couple, rather than tearing you apart. During your relationship, you may experience job loss, financial struggles, special needs children, sickness or death. These hardships can strengthen your marriage and help you to humble yourself while leaning on your spouse for support. Let’s look at some ways you can come together during hard times.

Develop an “in this together” attitude.

During times of stress, it is easy to have a short fuse and look for someone to blame. Usually the people we love most are the ones we take our anger out on. Being unkind to each other will only make the situation worse, it won’t help anything. Remember to have empathy, your spouse is likely having the same feelings that you are. How would you feel if someone blamed the tough situation on you? Turning to some type of prayer or meditation can help you control your temper if that is a struggle for you.

It’s harder to go through a trial alone than it is with support. Instead of suffering privately, open up to your spouse and confide in them. Remember that you are on the same team, working towards the same goal. When your spouse confides in you, make sure to be the type of listening ear that you would like to have. Try to refrain from judgmental comments and negative reactions. A positive experience will help your spouse be willing to talk to you again next time.

Take turns being the strong one.

During a difficult trial you are bound to have moments of exhaustion and decision fatigue. The great thing about being a team with your spouse is that you have someone to pick up the slack when you are feeling weak. The key is to communicate that you are having a bad day or are unable to make a decision, even a small one. When your spouse confides that they are having a difficult moment, make sure to step up and take something off of their plate for a few moments. Taking turns bearing the load of whatever situation you are in will bring you together and help you both to get through.

Find sources of comfort together.

Instead of isolating yourself, seek out sources of comfort with your spouse. If you are religious, you could meet with a leader from your church together seeking advice. Maybe you could learn to meditate together and have a morning session of silent togetherness.

Don’t be afraid to try and get away from the situation for a while. Taking a guilt-free date night to do something fun and take your mind off things is a great way to de-stress.

Even though trials are not fun to go through, they definitely strengthen you as a person and can strengthen your relationship if you let it. Someday you can look back at this difficult time and be grateful for all you learned and how much you grew together.