Managing Marital Conflict
Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage! Marriage is full of memories, love, and laughter, but such a close relationship with another human being also has its challenges. Today, I would like to share some tips to help you manage (and even possibly avoid) conflict within your marriage!
Listen to your spouse. Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” It’s easy to see your own side of any situation - it takes work to listen to the other side and see their point. If you take the time to listen instead of reacting when your spouse’s views differ from your own, oftentimes you’ll get the chance to see into their feelings that you would’ve missed out on had you simply reacted.
Avoid assumptions. A whole lot of conflict can be avoided simply by avoiding assumptions about situations or your spouse’s thoughts and feelings! Be open about what you’re feeling, and ask your spouse for the same courtesy. If you are concerned about something, ask! A lot can be avoided by having open communication.
Find ways to serve. By finding ways to serve your spouse, you will feel more love for them. Marriage is a two-way street where you have to help meet your partner’s needs while they help meet yours. These acts of service don’t have to be huge, they simply need to be from the heart.
Step back and take a breath. Conflict is going to come up, it’s just how it sometimes happens in a marriage. If you’re feeling heated and are having a difficult time seeing your spouse’s side of the situation, perhaps it would be best to take a few minutes to step back and breathe. Once you’ve had a chance to cool off, come back together and reopen the dialogue to find a solution.
Learn your love languages. Not everyone shows or understands love in exactly the same way. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book The Five Love Languages in which he explains the five different ways people show and receive love - words of affirmation, acts of service, giving/receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. To learn more, check out this post! You and your spouse can take this quiz to see what your love languages are so you can better understand how you can show love to them in a way they will understand! After conflict, use this knowledge to show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them, even though you didn’t necessarily agree. Also, did you know there are apology languages? Check out this article to learn more!
Obviously you love your spouse, and you want to do everything in your power to have a strong and happy relationship. I hope you find success in your marriage with these five tips and have a long and happy life together!