As beautiful as this time of your life is, it also comes with a unique set of challenges. One of the most simultaneously exciting and disorienting things about a marriage is joining two families. After spending every year of your life so far having family defined by only your experiences, you now must immediately accept the life experiences of your partner as how they’ve defined family, even if that’s totally different from what you’re used to.

This can prove to be a challenging thing for a lot of people. If you’re struggling to develop a positive relationship with your in-laws, you are not alone! The most important thing to remember is that they are people, too. Just because they do things differently than your family doesn’t mean either side is incorrect; just different. The exciting thing is that you and your spouse now get to work together to develop your own definition.

Today I wanted to share a few tips for respecting your in-laws and navigating that tricky path from strangers to second-family (ideally!)

#1: There is no wrong way/right way

I kind of alluded to this earlier, but it’s important to remember that while you are both coming to the table with potentially opposite views, it’s within everyone’s right to have an opinion. If you can first accept that all opinions are valid, you can move forward with determining a path for you and your spouse that makes the most sense for you guys, not the families.

While each of you is probably most comfortable with how things were done in your own families, finding the strength to compromise or accept changes to your typical routine will allow you to grow together and develop a stronger relationship, and also develop more respect for each other’s families.

#2: Respect your elders

This is a bit of an old-fashioned turn of phrase, but the idea still stands, in my opinion. I firmly believe that respect is a crucial part of any relationship. If you don’t respect each other and your potentially different beliefs, there is no chance for a foundation of a lasting relationship.

When you’re communicating with your spouse’s parents or siblings, respect their time, space, and opinions. Instead of accusations or blunt communication, I recommend you opt for a more respectful conversation. Give them a phone call; parents and grandparents appreciate that. Communicate directly, and clearly, and by all means keep to your convictions, but recognize that this is a transition period where both of you are learning how things have historically worked within your spouse’s family, and that parents and grandparents have life experience you don’t. They will appreciate that respect you are affording them and it will go a long way in solidifying the relationship.

#3: Remember that you’re in this together

If you only take away one thing from this blog post, it should be this: you chose to enter this family, and they didn’t necessarily choose you. Their son/daughter did. While we can always hope for unconditional acceptance, eventually if not right away, we should humble ourselves to remember that this is likely a more trying time for them as they adjust to their new son/daughter-in-law as it is for you to adjust to them, someone you’ve already chosen to take on as an in-law when you got married.

If you remember that you are in this together and work through your differences together as a team, with both of you actively working towards a resolution or a more respectful foundation, you’ll find much greater success.

Whether you’re just planning your wedding or already in the throes of in-law woes, it’s a trying thing to navigate the relationships you take on in addition to your partner. They’re going through the same thing, and instead of feeling isolated and anxious about the changing relationships, communicate with each other to set expectations and work together to understand how your new life together will best serve both of you.