As you’re entering into a new relationship, and even your marriage, you know just as well as I that people are SO different. Something that bugs you may not even phase your significant other, and vice versa. In addition to feeling differently about everything from food to TV show preferences, men and women have very different fundamental needs, beyond their interests, and you can do wonders to improve your relationship simply by reading up and learning more about what these differences are between men and women.

In a book called His Needs, Her Needs, by Dr. William F. Harley, Jr., we learn that in order to strengthen a marriage, you must better understand one another’s emotional needs. Discovering your spouse’s top needs and striving to meet them can do more than anything else to help them feel loved, accepted, and prioritized.

Dr. Harley suggests looking at your marriage as if it were a bank, and each deposit of love increased your Love Balance. A high love balance triggers that feeling of love from your spouse, so you should be working daily to keep making those deposits if you both want to feel loved. Many people express a desire for a spouse or a partner that will “care” for them, but what exactly does caring for a spouse look like if they’re not sick and needing someone to prop them up on their pillow or wipe their tears?

Dr. Harley describes needs that fall into the following categories:

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Intimate Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration

You can read up further on each of his descriptions on his website here, and once you have, I suggest you sit down with your partner and make a few lists of the needs you each feel under each category. Armed with these lists, you are sure to improve about your relationship base by better understanding each other and knowing how you can make the other feel most loved.